i will survive

2008-08-03T20:22:00.009+08:00

2008-05-15T20:32:00.002+08:00

there will be a new place for me to post soon...for my loyal readers...and sorry...no more EMO shit over at the new place...so emo MOFOs...stay out...

p/s will post the link to the new place once its up and running...

3vok3

2008-05-13T09:50:00.001+08:00

this blog is dead...i won't post here anymore...

2008-05-11T02:36:00.000+08:00

i feel fucking lazy...HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

2008-04-21T20:34:00.003+08:00

was driving back home from uni like a crazy fuck today...trying to push my loyal wira to its maximum potential...hahaha...then suddenly this song came on...and i just had to slow down...i guess i realize that this song actually explains a part of my life now...

the lyrics...

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed but I have loved you from the start

Oh, But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

2008-04-13T17:51:00.003+08:00

a place long lost in time revisited ,
forbidden memories replayed ,
things seem so different,
it seemed so alienated,
it stifled my emotions,
a place once so beautiful,
contaminated by memories of the new,
a place once so serene,
filled with the filth of memories from the present,
maybe i just should've,
should've have left it alone...

2008-04-06T02:24:00.001+08:00

because when you love something,

every time a bit of it goes...

you lose a piece of your self.

2008-04-05T09:53:00.002+08:00

how are you?,
do you know that i miss you,
been so long since i saw you,
oh god i wish i could hold you.

how are you?,
where have you been lately,
worlds apart we are,
its like being heaven and earth apart.

how are you?,
do you still think of me,
do you still think of us,
do you know how much i love you still.

yeah this is my update for the weekend...its for you...i just want you to know that i really miss you...just wonder if you still come by this page...sometimes i just wonder what is going on in your mind...you make me so confuse everytime...

2008-04-02T00:31:00.003+08:00

i've been neglecting you so much...please forgive me...i've been busy...please try to understand...i didn't mean to leave you all alone...i didn't mean to stop writing...but there were just so many things on my mind...there is no other i swear...please don't be angry bloggie...

hahaha...yeah i know i've been neglecting this blog lately...don't worry...will try to at least update something by this weekend...cheers...

2008-03-27T12:26:00.002+08:00

*i pray that no one pukes where they aren't suppose to puke*
*i pray that at least the drivers are not wasted tonight*

*i swear we will not puke in the suite tonight*
*goodbye*
*good night*
*hic hic hic*

2008-03-25T19:12:00.002+08:00

when you told me that you still loved me...i fell to my knees...i let go a huge sigh of relief...it was a saving grace for my soul and sanity...i had almost given up hope for 'us'...almost given up fighting what i believed in...is this a sign for me to continue to fight for 'us'...to fight for you...i know this may sound crazy to everyone around me...this may sound crazy to you too...but the fight for you is all that i have ever known...till this day you still make me feel the same every time we talk...i know we shouldn't be talking bout 'us'...but i can't help it...i want you back in my arms so badly...i admit in the pass i was overprotective and jealous...but i just can't help it...its you...when one haves someone like you in his arms...the last thing that he wants is to loose you...i just hope that things will work out soon...that things will be back to the way it used to be...back to when we were lovers...

2008-03-23T18:35:00.004+08:00

*The Carnival*

"I feel like I'm at some maligned carnival where the people on the ride were really screaming, the people lost in the mirror maze were really lost, and the denizens of Freak Alley looked at you with false smiles on their lips and terror in their eyes. It was a carnival all right; the carnival of lost souls."

...freaky huh...thought it was kinda cool...got a week of holiday to recuperate...hopefully I'll get back to my normal self...pray for my soul would you...muahahahaha...feeling GOTHIC...

2008-03-12T20:14:00.002+08:00

You keep coming into my head,
I try to block you out but it hurts so bad,
Feels as though my soul is dead,
Just thinking of what both of us had.

I think of you during the long hours of the day,
And during the lonely nights i dream of you,
I blame myself for chasing you away,
I hate myself for letting you go.

I pray for this pain to go away,
Feels as though a thousand knives have stabbed my heart,
I so want you to stay right here by me,
Cause only you can save me from this pain.

The happiness you want so badly,
I hope i can give to you before i go crazy,
What about my happiness you ask,
It is your happiness that i care not of mine.

You keep saying it's not my fault,
And yet I still blame myself,
Day after day I hate myself more,
Day after day I love you more.

Been feeling just like the weather lately...hot then cold...dry then wet...fucked up then even more fucked up...yeah...will try to upload happier stuff in due time...

2008-03-07T20:47:00.003+08:00

WHOA...EH FUCK YOU LA!!!....yup thats all for today...

2008-02-28T22:42:00.003+08:00

ok was in langkawi recently...and i face my greatest fears there...the much dreaded CABLE CAR...i hate cable cars...i'm scared of them...i don't know why...but all i have to do is look at a cable car and it'll send chills up my spine...once i get into the cable car i don't move...i just sit there as stiff as possible so the cable car won't move...i always think that if i move too much the cable car will fall...and me along with it...i've tried many times to get over the fear of cable cars...but until this day...that darn thing still haunts me...here is a video that my friends decided to take...and they are loving it...thanks to TPK...

will try to upload the pics soon...kinda busy with uni but mostly just plain lazy...

2008-02-18T01:00:00.002+08:00

dedicated to the one and only...

here's a story for you,
there was an angel once,
she was born among the stars,
she shone brighter than the sun,
she was the prettiest of them all,
she was the most beautiful one,
never has anyone seen one like her,
it was heartbreaking,
that one such as her was hidden from the world,
then a miracle happened,
they decided she was too beautiful to remain hidden,
they sent her down here,
to be with us,
there i saw her,
her beauty caught my eyes,
her beauty stole my heart,
and forever it shall be hers...

2008-01-29T21:21:00.000+08:00

Been pretty busy lately...doing my last week of industrial training...can't wait for it to be over with...also haven't been feeling too good...so just posted some pics that i thought were whacky...enjoy...*ironic???*

*what are the chances?*

*OH FUCK......*

*imagine if this person had a kid =.= *

*his last words were "MOMMYYYY" *

*hie whats your name?....chew what..?? *

2008-01-28T21:33:00.000+08:00

Don't think i can survive any longer if this pain continues...
i feel like running away...
i want to give up...
i can't stand this pain anymore...
i'm at the brink of insanity...
please someone pull this fucking knife out...
i'm so sorry...
i never knew being without you would be so hard...

2008-01-25T18:02:00.000+08:00

*HAIHZZZ*

Has anyone seen this video clip...i mean this video can really "fuck up " your day...seriously...if you are someone emo i suggest you DO NOT watch it...haha...if you're feeling happy this video will make you sad...if you're feeling sad...this video will make you want to commit suicide...haha...joking joking...but what i don't understand from this video is...why did he have to give both his eyes...give one enough la...then both will be happy mar...one eye enough to see mar...stupid guy don't know how to think wan...haha...he must have been drunk when he decided to give both eyes...lol...

2008-01-20T12:47:00.001+08:00

*A night out with Flaming Lamborghini*

*Getting ready for "HER"*

*Feeling the effects of HER*

*GONE GONE GONE...MAN DOWN MAN DOWN*

the picture says it all...to a new life and a new beginning...thanks for the memories...

2008-01-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

hey there again...i finally had the courage to get of that bus...just before i walked away i looked back at the bus and saw where is was going...it was heading for "loneliness" i guess i'm lucky to have my friends that supported me all the way...at least now i can let you go...without suffering...at least now i can let you go and know that everything will be fine...well i think all that i want to say i have already said to you...i guess all i can say now is...all the best for the journey ahead and take care ya...till we meet again... ;o)...

p/s : thank you everyone that took the time to ride with me...

2008-01-12T17:56:00.000+08:00

You answered my call today…but I wasn’t sure if you knew it was me…you were half asleep…I wonder how you are able to sleep at night…cause I haven’t been able to sleep at all…every time I close my eyes it is you that I see…you staring back at me…you smiling ever so sweetly…I so want to reach out and embrace you…so badly want to feel your warm touch that always made my heart melt…so desperately need for you to whisper in my ear and tell me that everything is going to be alright…it hurts when I close my eyes…it hurts even more when I just lay there without you by my side…you were always there for me no matter what…you were my everything…you still are my everything…but when you left…my heart left with you…when you left…I my soul left with you…when you left…I lost everything…goodbye my love…

You called me…I was afraid to answer your call…I was petrified…but I answered…and just by hearing your voice…the knives in my heart stopped twisting…it felt so much more better…as though I knew everything was going to be alright…I asked you whether if there was a chance for us to work things out…I so wanted you to say “YES” but in the back of my mind I knew what the answer was…but you can’t blame me for asking, I had to try, I just couldn’t give up without a fight…at least now I can let you go…at least now I know you’ll be alright…I know you’ll be happy…that is all I want for you…until I have the courage to see you again…goodbye my love…

2008-01-12T17:55:00.000+08:00

Before I let go of your hand to cross the road I remember someone telling me something along the line of “be careful, make sure you don’t let her go…I’m sure you know that feeling of losing someone”…it was a sign…a STOP sign telling me not to let go of your hand to cross the road…but I was blind, I was ignorant and worst of all I took everything for granted…especially you…I know it’s a little too late to apologize but I still have to say it…I’m sorry and I hope one day you’ll forgive me for all my mistakes…for all my flaws…this feeling I have when I’m on this bus ride…it feels familiar…just that I haven’t felt this way in a very long time because you have always been there to protect me from it…I’m not really sure of what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling this way…its sitting in this bus by myself that make me feel this way…its only when no one is around that I feel this way…when you’re not around that I feel this way…I guess after being protected for so long one would feel vulnerable went left to fend on his own…as I stay on this ride down this unfamiliar path I look back on the memories…look back on the happy, the sad and the unforgettable moments and eventually the day all these nightmares started…I keep on thinking what I did or did not do enough…keep on thinking whether you know how much I love you…keep on thinking whether you still love me…it eats at my soul slowly bit by bit and from time to time it attacks my heart…making this pain just so much more unbearable…but every night before I sleep…all I can think of is you…that’s what I always did…I wonder how you are feeling…wonder if you are alright…wonder if its me you are thinking about…wonder when all this pain is going to end…goodbye my love…

2008-01-12T17:53:00.000+08:00

I’m still on that bus that hit me…I’m just too afraid to get off…too afraid to take the next step on my own…talked with a lot of people…a few friends got onto ride with me for awhile but they got off after awhile…at times when I was alone I would pick up my phone and call you…but I just couldn’t get through…I’m afraid to call too many times…I know you need your space and I don’t want to look too obsessive either…but the problem is no matter how many friends I talk to…however long I talk to them…in the end I only want to talk to you…I only want to hear your voice…I’m starting to familiarize myself around this bus…I just sit in my place not daring to move just getting enough courage to look around once in awhile…when I look around all I see is empty faces…emotionless, lifeless and soulless…is that what this ride does to someone who has ridden it for too long? will I ever be able to get of this ride or just turn into a “faceless”…yeah that’s what I call them…that’s the only way to describe them…I keep on thinking of reasons you won’t answer my calls…I keep blaming myself for letting you go…but that was all I could do…cause I want you to be happy…whatever it may cost me…if sitting on this bus forever and eventually becoming a “faceless” is what makes you happy then so be it…I’m not sure why I’m telling you my feelings this way…I guess it’s the only way I can explain what’s happening to me…sooner or later I’ll find out what this bus ride means…I hope…but till then I hope that I’ll be able to call you once in awhile…goodbye my love…

2008-01-11T19:08:00.000+08:00

usually a normal person would wake up from a nightmare...but being myself and definitely not normal..i woke up to find myself in the worst nightmare ever...i guess i'm writing this blog just to let go of my inner feelings and what i want to say to you...seriously i really never saw it coming...lets just say i was crossing the road...i looked left looked right and looked left again...took a step and *WHAMMMMUTHAFUCKA*...yeah that was a bus load shit full of fucking emotions hitting me straight in my face...it has been 4 years...4 very beautiful years...never regretted any minute of it...never will...no one really knows it yet...but after these 4 years we have broken up...and the only thing i can be glad about is that we parted on good terms...i'm still feeling the daze of being hit by that bus...haven't really accepted the fact that its over...i just want you to know...i don't blame you...i'm not angry with you...i just can't bring myself to have any ill-hearted feelings towards you...that's the impact you have on me...you were the one always preventing me from crossing the road...but i let go of your hand and crossed on my own...so now all i can do is pick myself up and get into that bus which just hit me...i guess sooner or later i'll eventually get off that bus and be able to face you...but for now...i just want to say thanks for every memory, every moment, every smile, every laugh and everything...i will always cherish the moments i had with you...i hope you do too...till the day we meet again...take care and i wish you all the happiness in life...goodbye my love...